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"That is the heart of it. Now begin in the middle, and later learn the beginning;
the end will take care of itself."
-Harlan Ellison

in me·di·as res

in ˈmēdēəs ˈres,ˈmādēˌäs/

adverb

1. into the middle of a narrative; without preamble.

   in the middle of things.

I got a tattoo.

Shortly after starting school last fall, I wrote a post titled, "November, A Quiet Reflection." I wrote on the changing of the seasons, the odd warmth of autumn, and the In-Between. Starting college before having actually graduated high school didn't allow much time for closure before moving into a whole new segment of life, so I just didn't get any. Closure, that is. I was in between two places; the familiarity of my youth, and the exhilarating uncertainty of my future. The In-Between felt rocky and shaky and unfamiliar, and yet I was encouraged to embrace it and breathe it in and let it make me. In attempting to do so, I think I overflowed a little. In-Between became a very vulnerable and lonely place. It felt like soft skin exposed to harsh elements all too soon. It was every goodbye said all at once.

It wasn't until December, about the time I seemed to hit the lowest, most unstable point of In-Between that I stumbled across the phrase in medias res. It came in the form of a question; one worth two points on my ENL102 British Literature final exam. Something along the lines of, "Which of these six items is not a convention of epic-heroic poetry?" I read through the list and stopped short at in medias res, a phrase completely unfamiliar to me. I didn't remember it being mentioned in class. It hadn't been in any of my notes. I shook it off and selected the next item on the list as the answer because I knew it wasn't a convention of epic-heroic poetry (yay studying!). But the Latin continued to tug at me.

After the exam, I googled in medias res because, well, if you take an exam and find that you don't know something because you missed it on the study guide or left it out of your notes, you research it even though the exam is over to eradicate the guilt you feel for having not known it in the first place. Google quickly procured an answer (surprise, it's a convention of epic-heroic poetry. Two exam points for Han).

In medias res, a Latin phrase that translates to "in the middle of things," in a literary sense describes an unspoken rule for writers: start the story in medias res. Readers don't want to spend fifty pages reading about why what's happening is happening. Leave that for them to figure out/decide for themselves. Don't focus on the why, focus on the what. Your writing will be more interesting that way. As a writer, I found this tip to be extremely valuable. But then I started to think about how in medias res could be applied in real life; how the what could outweigh the why. I settled upon this:

In medias res is, to me, a reminder to not spend all my time asking God "why?" but instead, focus on what's happening in my life and what will happen next. Only God knows the why. My simple little human self can try my absolute darnedest to figure it out, but that'll only distract from the here and now. In medias res. I'm in the middle of things, and I should embrace it.

In medias res, alongside supplying me with a valuable writing tip and a reminder to live in the moment, also ended a subconscious search that I hadn't even known I'd been on. The Latin phrase gave me the words to describe how I'd been feeling since August: In-Between. In the middle of things. Trying to live gracefully in the space between one segment of life and the next. Truly, I think that's the way it is all the time. We're constantly in between stages of life, constantly shifting and changing and moving forward. We're always in the middle of things. Even when we die, we're in the middle of things, because there's no perfect end. There's no absolute resolution, no significant closing of the last door. Mona Simpson says it best. "We all - in the end - die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories." I think in medias res is a good way to describe how we should aspire to live (and die); accepting the fact that everything is happening all the time, and we're in the middle of it. And that's completely normal, and completely fine.

In the act of permanently etching these words onto my body, I'm choosing to acknowledge that I am living in a constant state of In-Between, and that only God knows why. He is a part of everything that is happening in my life, and so I continue to live it in an attempt to find him. The what is greater than the why, and he is greater than any end goal I could possibly be aspiring to. And yet it isn't my job to reach an end goal. It's my job to be right here.

in medias res //
It is my job
to be
here, now.
And so
I will
be.

____________________

Q&A:

Who is your artist? Thanks to Nikki at Minneapolis Tattoo Shop for making this magic happen! Check out more of her work here.

What font did you use? My tattoo is in my own handwriting, as a testament to my own strength and perseverance during an extremely difficult time.

How much did it cost? Prices of tattoos vary according to artist, style, location, and size. Consult an artist for an estimate if you're looking to get inked!

How long did it take? The tattoo itself took about 10 minutes. The bulk of the appointment was filling out paperwork!

Did it hurt? Yep.

Are you planning to get more tattoos? Yep.