It makes sense now. It's all coming together, just the way you've had it planned out for, well, probably forever. And I gotta hand it to ya; you definitely know what you're doing up there.
A little over a year ago (jeez, has it really already been a year?), I thought my world was going to end. Over a boy. (Although I think many sixteen year old girls experience a similar phenomenon.) A year and a half spent with that boy, and then he was gone, and suddenly my life was destined to fail because he wasn't in it anymore. BUT GOD. Little did I know, you were pushing him out of the picture to make room for new, shiny people; people who introduced me to parts of myself that I would have never even discovered, had I stayed with that boy.
And those PARTS. Jesus, I love those parts of me. The bright, luminous parts that love to learn and grow and go fast and wake up with the sun in order to get a head start on doing it all again the next day. The parts that realized that without Boy around, I could have whatever future I wanted. Which led me to apply to my dream college a whole year early...
...and be wait listed. Oh, God, ya got me with that one. You saw me running full speed ahead, and you decided I needed to slow down and take a step back. Which, initially, I was very angry with you for, but which I now realize was a very good call on your part. So, props to you. Being wait listed was one of the toughest two-month-long lessons in faith and humility that I've ever had to learn. And then while I was struggling to learn it, you tossed a couple more lemons into the mix, which was just frankly really not cool, man. (Like, really. At least throw me a life jacket or something next time because ya girl is not the best at treading unsweetened lemonade for extended periods of time.)
BUT GOD. As horrible and awful as that unsweetened lemonade tasted, it was really, really good. It gave me pause. It made me think. It made me contemplate what I really wanted. It forced me to realize that there are definitely some things (including massive, life-changing decisions) that are not in my control. (Yikes.) And, after battling with that realization for two months, I was shocked to realize how OKAY with it I was. (Which was a BIG step for me, your No. 1 endorser of Planning Ahead, who also happens to be a bit of a control freak. #sorrynotsorry) Realizing how okay I was with not quite knowing how things were going to turn out was a HUGE game-changer. I felt calm. I felt at ease. I felt - dare I say it? - adult.
AND THEN. Just when I was settling into the idea of my dream not becoming a reality, IT DID. (How very Disney of you, God.) And the dark-and-stormy two-month waiting period leading up to that acceptance letter just made receiving it that much sweeter.
So, all this to say, thanks. Thank you, God, for throwing me a curveball every once and a while in order to make me slow down, take a step back, and realize that it's been you holding the reigns all along. Thanks for showing me - a year later - how all the pieces fit together to build the crazy, messy, broken puzzle that is my life; beautifully designed by you.
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After two months of waiting and aching and praying, I am so fantastically joyful to announce that I will be attending Bethel University (aforementioned "dream college") in the fall of 2016, where I will major in English Literature and Writing, with a minor in Journalism. God got me here, to this place, today. GO ROYALS!
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