everyone has their something

I know someone who has a sensory processing disorder. For the sake of this essay, let’s call him Jack. Jack is normally an incredibly happy, easygoing guy. But Jack was born with this sensory disorder. What that means for Jack is jeans, the seams of socks, thick lotions, and bracelets are causes for loud outbursts of protest because of the physical discomfort of the items touching his skin. Because of this disorder, Jack does not wear the things that make him uncomfortable, because if wearing thick, scratchy denim distresses him to the point where he is unable to focus on a conversation or pay attention in school, why should he have to?

Since a very young age, my mother has taught my sister and I that “everyone has their something.” Meaning, everyone struggles with something. Nobody's life is perfect. We must remember to give everyone the grace and space to deal with their difficulties - their "somethings" - in the way that they need to. In the same way, we must also make ourselves readily available to serve those in need of comfort, encouragement, hope, and support. In Jack's case, his "something" is his sensory disorder.

I saw Jack the other day, and contrary to his usual personality, he seemed downtrodden and obviously upset. When I inquired about the cause for his change in mood, he explained that he’d been made fun of for not wearing socks in his tennis shoes. He'd put on a pair of socks that morning, but had taken them off again because the seams felt "bad." So he'd left for school without socks on, because that was how he was comfortable. When he'd gotten to school, however, somebody had noticed he wasn't wearing socks in his shoes, and - completely unnecessarily - called him out on it, which embarrassed him, and made him feel insecure. Hearing Jack's story made me sad, and caused me to question the nature of that person who had ridiculed my friend for going about his life the way that made him happy and ensured his personal success.

Why do people - particularly teens, but I'm not excluding adults - care so much? He’s not wearing socks. So what? Why do everybody else’s actions and decisions have to impact and affect you and the way you do your life? Because the truth of the matter is, they don't, and they shouldn’t. If you’re distracted by the fact that somebody else isn’t wearing socks (unless its 30 degrees out and you’re concerned for the safety and warmth of their toes), then that’s more your problem than theirs. If someone decides to curl their hair and you don’t think it looks good, and you make a big deal out of it and call attention to it - and, in doing so, distract other people who may not have even recognized the “issue” in the first place - then you are not only overly concerned about the mere existence of another person, but now you’re a bully, too. You don’t know that person’s story. You are unaware of their "something." It may sound cliche, but it’s true. You don’t know what they could be going through. You don’t know how their day is going. How could you? Maybe they know that their hair doesn’t look good or their shoes don’t match their shirt, but maybe they don’t care. Maybe they’re more concerned with just doing life than how they look when they do it.

There’s a bigger picture that I wish everyone - myself included - could remember to see more often. I wish we could all see each other for who we are. She’s happy, and wants to share that joy with you today. Her larger-than-life smile and ringing laughter shouldn't be a reason for you to glare daggers at her from across the room. His dog just died, and he just really needs a friend right now. His tear-streaked face shouldn't be a reason for you to judge him. Her grandma was just diagnosed with cancer. The old, rusty locket that she wears around her neck with Grandma's picture inside stands out on her person and doesn't go with her outfit, but it is worth more to her than gold. His mother abuses him at home. The bruise on his cheek may be the first thing you notice about him, but he just needs someone to talk to. She’s struggling to find herself and figure out what she wants to do with her life, and doesn’t want to be pressured into making a decision right this second. Don't judge her for being "scatterbrained" or "the girl without a plan." Give her space and time. He knows what he wants to do with his life, and his future excites him, and he just wants to share his excitement and his passions with you. So let him.

We all have so much to offer each other. And it truly pains me to see small, insignificant things such as “He’s not wearing socks…” getting in the way of interpersonal human connection. We are inspired by each other. We lead each other, serve each other, and help each other be better. …Unless we make the decision (whether conscious or unconscious) to tear others down, or put them under a magnifying glass when they’re already struggling, or draw attention to things that may seem out of place to you, but that they see and don’t actually care about, because what they’re doing matters more than how they’re doing it. Unless the way someone is living their life is unsafe or detrimental to their overall quality of living, you have absolutely no right to ridicule them about the choices they’re making for themselves, like the way they dress, or the way they speak, or the way they look at the ground when the walk, or the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they’re passionate about, or the color of their room, or the plans they’re making for their future.

Be kind to one another. Respect each other. Support each other's’ decisions to go about life as we choose. Just like my dear friend Jack, everyone has their “something.” You may or may not know what that something is, but give people the benefit of the doubt and just accept them for who they are. Be open to the things they could teach you. Life is brighter when we do it together.

h